Show and DON'T Tell
by Kristen3
Summary: How much trouble can a furry alien get into in an elementary school? If his name is ALF, a lot! Finally finished! :)
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**First off, I don't own these characters. Don't sue. Secondly, don't forget to review and let me know what you think. (Please no flames!) I promise it'll get interesting later. ;)

* * *

One Monday morning, seven-year-old Brian Tanner walked into the kitchen where his parents and older sister were eating breakfast. "Mom, can I bring ALF to school with me for Show and Tell?"

"Sweetie, don't you think people would be just a _little_ suspicious if you walked into school with a 3-foot-tall furry alien?" his mother, Kate, replied.

Brian shook his head. "Not if I say he's a toy."

Before Kate could think of an answer to this, the alien in question entered the room. "Yeah, I could pass for a toy. See how cute and cuddly I am?"

Brian's father, Willie, looked up from his morning paper. "You didn't seem so cuddly when you crashed into our garage!"

"One little navigational error, and you never let me hear the end of it!" ALF said. Willie rolled his eyes. "Look, can I go with the kid, or not?"

"No, ALF, you know you can't be seen! Someone could report you to the Alien Task Force," Kate replied.

"But I _never _get to to leave the house!" ALF whined. "Besides, I want to see what school is like on Earth."

"I go to school every day," said sixteen-year-old Lynn. "And trust me, you're not missing anything."

ALF could tell he was getting nowhere. "If I go to Brian's school, I won't be here eating and breaking things."

Kate and Willie exchanged a look. Unfortunately, neither one could think of an objection to ALF's statement. Kate sighed. "OK, you can go. But _please_ be careful. Brian, whatever you do, don't let him out of your sight." Brian nodded sincerely and crossed his heart.

"Oh, great, I finally get to go out of the house, and I get stuck with a chaperone," ALF said. Kate and Willie gave him a warning look. "Sorry. Tough crowd. Come on, B, let's go." With that, the boy and his alien left for school, leaving behind two very worried parents.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:**A huge thank you to Allie (pen name Allison Lindsay) for coming up w/ the idea of the "robot voice" and also for reminding me to mention the pet carrier. : )

* * *

As soon as he and ALF had left the kitchen, Brian began lecturing the alien. "You'd better not get into any trouble today, ALF. If you do, I'll be grounded, and you'll be living in the garage till Lynn gets married!" 

"OK, OK, I get it," ALF said, now starting to get annoyed with the lack of trust the Tanners were showing him. "I'll be on my best behavior. Orbit Guard's honor." ALF said, referring to the job he held back on Melmac.

"Good," Brian replied as the two began walking toward the bus stop. Suddenly they noticed the Tanners' neighbor, Trevor Ochmonek coming out to get his morning newspaper. Trevor and his extremely nosy wife Raquel visited the Tanners often, which meant ALF had to do a lot of hiding. On this particular occasion, a well-placed bush in the Tanners' front yard helped avoid what could have been a very uncomfortable situation.

On the bus, Brian's friends were very impressed with is new "toy," since none of them had ever seen anything like it. "But what does he _do_?" asked one boy as he inspected ALF closely.

"Well, he moves," Brian replied, as he demonstrated by moving all of ALF's limbs. The alien did not particularly enjoy being treated like this, but he knew he had to keep his cover.

"Does he talk or anything?" asked another student.

"Sure he talks," Brian replied, pretending to turn on a switch on ALF's back.

"Hi...Brian," ALF said, trying his best to sound robotic.

"Wow, he knows your name! Cool!"

"Yeah, he's pretty smart. It's almost like he's alive," Brian said with a knowing smile.

Brian got to school and showed ALF to his classmates. They were just as impressed as the students on his bus had been. The teacher, however, had a different reaction. "That's a...very unique toy you have there, Brian." He thanked her and sat down, being careful to hold ALF on his lap.

Once Brian and ALF were safely in their seats, a young girl came up to the front of the room, carrying a small pet carrying case. No one could see what was inside, until she proudly announced, "This is my new cat, Fluffy." At this, both Brian and ALF's eyes went wide, each for a different reason. On ALF's former planet, cats had been considered a regular part of a Melmacian's diet. The Tanners knew this all too well, as their furry houseguest spent much of his time torturing their pet, Lucky.

Brian saw the look on ALF's face and knew right away what the alien was thinking. He knew he had to act fast before things got out of hand. "I have to go to the bathroom," he blurted. The teacher had barely acknowledged his outburst before Brian and ALF were out of the classroom.


	3. Chapter 3

Brian took the alien and ran as quickly as he could to the nearest restroom. They ducked into a stall for privacy. "ALF, I know what you're thinking." 

"That your teacher wears even more makeup than your mother does? And I didn't even think that was possible!" the extraterrestrial said with a shudder.

"Come on, ALF, be serious. You know you wanted to eat that cat."

At this point, unbeknownst to either Brian or ALF, a pair of boys from the kindergarten class had just entered the bathroom. When they heard talking going on inside one of the stalls, they stopped in their tracks to listen.

"So what if I did?" ALF was saying. "I skipped breakfast this morning!"

"So did I," Brian replied. "But you don't see _me_ eating other peoples' pets!"

"I only have 10 major organs in my body. Eight of them are stomachs! I can't help that, any more than you can help that overbite of yours," the alien retorted.

Brian sighed. He was beginning to see why his parents had been so reluctant to allow him to bring ALF to school. "Look, if anyone finds out you're an alien from Melmac, we're both in a LOT of trouble. Someone could report you."

The two eavesdroppers were stunned at what they'd just heard. Whatever that thing in the stall was, it was clearly from outer space. And it looked big, considering the size of the hairy feet that were visible underneath the stall door. Not only that, but it was planning to eat someone's pet! Without saying a word, they turned and ran out of the room.

As luck would have it, they immediately ran into the principal, Mrs. Lyman. "Boys, slow down!"

"But it's an emergency!" said one of the two five-year-olds.

"Yeah, someone's got an alien in the bathroom!" said the other.

"An alien in the bathroom?" Mrs. Lyman repeated skeptically. "I'm sure you're just imagining things."

"No, we heard it. A kid was talking to it!" said the first boy.

"Now, Joey," said the principal kindly. "You know that's impossible. There are no such things as aliens."

"We swear, we heard it, Mrs. Lyman!" said Joey's friend.

"OK, if it'll make you boys feel better, I'll go back in the bathroom with you, just to prove to you that there's no alien in there. But after that, you two really have to go back to class."

The three walked back over to the boys' room where Brian and ALF had been. Mrs. Lyman opened the door, and right before her stood Brian, carrying ALF in his arms.


	4. Chapter 4

When they had reached their destination, and Brian and ALF were seated, Mrs. Lyman spoke. "Well, I can certainly see why Joey and Peter said they heard you talking to an alien in the bathroom. I trust you have an explanation." 

"Yes. It's a toy," Brian replied, thinking it was best to stick to his original story and hope she believed it.

Mrs. Lyman raised an eyebrow. Whatever the thing was, it didn't look like any toy _she'd_ ever seen before! "Where did this...toy come from?"

Panicked, Brian figured his best option was to play dumb. "I...don't know," he stammered.

"You don't know where you got it?" asked the principal incredulously. She was now even more suspicious, if that were possible.

_I could tell you where he came from, but you'd never believe it_, Brian thought. Out loud he said, "No...it was a gift."

"I see. So why were you talking to it in the bathroom?"

"I was pretending." Brian replied hesitantly.

"But you understand that he's not real, right? Because we both know aliens only exist in science-fiction movies," said Mrs. Lyman patiently.

Brian caught ALF's eye for a brief second, then said, "I guess so."

_This is not a good sign_, Mrs. Lyman thought. _Seems like he's having trouble distinguishing fantasy from reality_.

Brian could tell by the unhappy look on the principal's face that he'd said something terribly wrong. Before he could open his mouth to explain, she said, "I think maybe I should have a talk with your parents."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: **Thanks to Andrea (iloveromance), whose dedication to finishing many of her older stories inspired me to _finally _get this one finished. Sorry it's taken me so long! :)

Kate hung the phone up, feeling a sense of terror. "I just _knew_ something would happen to Brian and ALF at school!" But, luckily, the entire Tanner family had had plenty of practice in the art of covering up for their extra-terrestrial houseguest. On the drive over to Brian's school, Kate did her best to calm down. All she really needed to do was corroborate Brian's story about ALF being a toy and promise to make sure the alien never returned to school again. Where ALF was concerned, things rarely went according to plan. But it was the best thing she could think of. So, after taking one final deep breath, she entered the school and quickly found the principal's office.

Ms. Lyman stood and shook Kate's hand. "Mrs. Tanner, thank you for coming over so quickly. As I explained on the phone, your son scared a couple of kindergartners by pretending to talk to his toy in the boys' room."

"Um, yes," Kate replied nervously. "Believe me, they will be punished. I mean, Brian will be." She laughed nervously. This was not going well.

The principal smiled, glad that Kate was agreeing. "Good. We do encourage students to bring in toys and such from home, but I'm afraid we can't have innocent children being scared. Of course, Joey and Peter are just little boys, so I'm sure their imaginations got a little ahead of them. I mean, really, how on earth could there be a _real_ alien in an elementary school? I think we would've noticed if there was one!" She laughed.

Kate smiled weakly. "Right. Why don't I just take my son home now? I'll have a long talk with him and ALF about this, I promise you."

"Mrs. Tanner, did you just say you're planning to talk to your son _and_ his toy?"

_Oh, God_, Kate thought. "Well, you know, he's almost like one of the family. Sometimes we forget he's just a toy." She laughed nervously.

Ms. Lyman was still a bit worried. After all, a grown woman should be able to tell the difference between a toy and a living thing. But she had a lot of other things she needed to do today, and she did not want to waste any more time on this than she already had. "Well, all right, then," she finally said. "Now, remember, Brian. Toys such as this belong at home. When you're at school, we expect you to give your full attention to your schoolwork. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Brian looked at the floor. Even though Ms. Lyman had no clue what had actually taken place here, Brian knew he had done something wrong, even dangerous, considering the risk of ALF's being exposed.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Kate, Brian and ALF returned home. "I am so mad at both of you, I can hardly think straight!" Kate fumed as they walked in the door.

ALF sighed. "Look, I'm sorry I got the kid in trouble, but it's not the end of the world. I mean, it's not like anybody's planet blew up or anything!"

"ALF, that is not even funny," Kate said. She took a deep breath and somehow managed to compose herself. "Just go to your room, both of you."

Brian solemnly walked off toward his room. ALF stayed where he was. He turned to Kate, making one last, urgent plea for mercy. "Look, Kate, I know I screwed up. But, please, don't be mad at Brian. I mean, I'm the one who wanted to go. Just...don't throw me out, OK? I sort of like it here."

The alien was never one to show emotions, but Kate could tell he was being sincere. "Oh, ALF, even though you do drive us all crazy, we do like having you here. It's just, you've got to be careful around Brian. He's just a kid, and he'll go along with anything you want to do. Can you do that?"

ALF thought for a moment. "Yeah, I think I can handle that." He offered Kate his furry hand, and she reluctantly shook it. They had never gotten along in the past, but ALF could tell this would be a turning point for them. He left the room, resisting the impulse to make a wise remark as he exited. As he made his way out to his home in the Tanner's garage, he happened to see Lucky, the family cat. He thought again of the feline he'd seen at school today, and the meal he'd missed. He quickly changed directions and began to follow Lucky back into the house. _Kate never said anything about staying away from you_, he thought to himself with a smile.

**The End**


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